Planes,trains and automobiles

So I return.

My first piece of advice is don't break one of your wheels on your suitcase. It makes wheeling quite difficult. The elegant debonair waltz through the departure lounge loses something when you're dragging a black matalan suitcase along.

As I was walking with comparative ease through the security gate,there was an Asian man being throughly cross checked by a fat rozzer.

'So where you flying to?'
'Wheres your baggage?'
'Wheres your family?'
'Do you go there often?'
'Whats you're opinion of Hamas?'
'Do you prefer to play with a Sweeper or a flat back four?'
'Whats your favourite Beatles album?'
'Who was German chancellor in 1998?'
'I like cheese. Do you like cheese?'


All this whilst I waltzed in and was paid very little attention. I could've had two and a half tons of cemtex up my arse.

When i was seated aboard the plane, I was sat next the worst possible companion on a flight.
Johnny-know-it-all-done-it-all-anything-you-say-I've-got-a-massive-fucking-anecdote-about-it.

Him: 'So you live in Holland yeh?'
Me: 'ye..'
Him:'I used to live in Holland and Bogota. And in a cavern in the Mariana's trench'
Me: 'Really?'
Him:'Yeah It was around the time I was a Hussar in the Irish guards during the Napoleonic Wars...'

So much Bollocks. One person's mouth.