Justice

Britain has for many years prided itself on the state of its legal system.

Seen as upstanding, forward thinking yet with its basis in tradition.

Having put miscarriages of justice behind it, it was seen to be moving onwards particularly with its new media sensitive breed of judges.

Judge Peter Openshaw was questioning a witness about a Web forum used by the accused when he said," The trouble is I don't understand the language. I don't really understand what a Web site is."

The prosecutor Mark Ellison took time to explain to the judge the terms Web site and forum. After doing so the judge remarked, ""I haven't quite grasped the concepts."

Oh dear. 'I dont really understand what a website is' ?. Oh dear oh dear. Afterwards he asked how many horses were pulling their getaway carriage, before climbing into the belly of the big silver dragon to be 'magicked' to America. For Fuck's sake. Imagine if you were up before this bloke having stole/had stolen your Mp3 Player, or heaven forbid your blackberry, if youre such a wanker that you own one.

Judge Peter Openshaw: 'You stand accused of stealing this man's blackberries.'
Prosecutor: 'Its just a single Blackberry M'lud'.
JPO: ' Well that is a distinctly serious crime. Can we still hang people for stealing blackberries, under fruit Larcency act 1603?'
Prosecutor: ' No M'lud, and i must say a blackberry isn't a fruit.'
JPO: ' Yes it is you utter clod I had them yesterday, with my porridge. What about a good garotting, or trial by fire. We haven't had a trial by fire for ages.'
Prosecutor: 'No M'lud, its a device for accessing your emails when your on the train or in your car.'
JPO: ' EMAILS?, TRAINS? CARS? What sort of devilish utterances are these?'



I think we should get criminals to be judges. They always say always get a thief to catch a thief.
Also they'd set more reasonable sentences. When a bloke from Nottingham who earns 300 quid a week, gets caught flogging a nicked DVD player the judge might say, 'you are to be fined £225, I dont think £75 is an unreasonable amount to live on.' Whereas when Johnny 'Im a big twat corrupt cabinet minister who earns about £100,000 gets caught doing something fraudulent or having thirteen prostitutes feed him foie gras off a dwarfs head, the judge will fine him about £5000. Hardly comparable is it.